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31 December 2009 @ 11:31 pm
indefinite hiatus.  
43 minutes away from the new year and I have to admit 2009 was amazing for me.

it had no shortage of hardships but i still smiled because i had an amazing girl by my side. if not in person (which happened rarely), then always, always in spirit. she promised that we would be together forever. i believed her, trusted her more than anyone. i gave her all of me, i gave her everything i could. like the characters we loved so much, lelouch and suzaku, there wasn't anything we couldn't do together. nothing we couldn't fight, nothing we couldn't face.

two weeks ago, my world started to cave in. it collapsed on me completely two days ago, on the one year anniversary of the day we met, when i found out that she had cheated on me.

my soul, my being, my heart, my everything - completely destroyed. the last two weeks have been horrific for me.

we had everything in common, which is going to make it extremely difficult for me to move on. that's why i'm telling you this - not that i think you care, but to explain that i may not be around much in the future, if at all.

i can't look at my collection of figures and plush or listen to any song in the entire bon jovi catalogue (including the hilariously bad ones like 'unbreakable,' we giggled over them together) or even thread a needle without thinking of her, without curling up on the couch under my new favorite blanket and crying and just going numb.

i don't want to stop cosplaying or enjoying anime. i just need to step away and hopefully find new fandoms. when i hopefully do, i plan to return.

i will probably continue to check this account occasionally to see what the rest of you are up to, but you probably won't hear much from me. if you want to better keep in touch, PM me with your preferred method of contact and we'll exchange information. i don't wish to lose anyone else. if you would rather be rid of me, take this as your opportunity to take me off your friends list. i won't be offended and i wish you the best.

i hope to be back, to return to fandom and cosplay and the world i love soon enough. it's just that right now, the things i love are like knives in my back.

i hope to one day be back, and that, like lelouch and suzaku, we will one day find our paths crossing in love and friendship again.
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:39 am (UTC)
thank you <3
i'm the last of my kind: careful.innovade on January 1st, 2010 06:44 am (UTC)
Hey! I was wondering where you've been. *HUG* I really hope this year will help you heal. You're an amazing person, really. You deserve a break, stay strong♥

ps. I'd like to stay in contact, but since we have each other on twitter and tumblr, that'll be good right? I'd really hate to lose you as a friend♥
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:48 am (UTC)
thank you so much <3

I'm never on twitter >< and I don't feel like we actually talk on tumblr, haha. facebook or AIM or something?
i'm the last of my kind: Vedabro love ♥innovade on January 1st, 2010 06:50 am (UTC)
I think I have you on AIM. I'll pm you my facebook~ :)
ruririi on January 1st, 2010 07:02 am (UTC)
I ♥ you so much Nee-san ♥♥♥ I'll always be here for you.
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
I know <3 thank you <3
STARRY★: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann ★  Sunsetdigitalstarry on January 1st, 2010 07:23 am (UTC)
I hope nothing but the best for you Jackie. You're a strong women, and I want you to return one day with even more awesomeness <3
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
thank you <3
sousy: [lars] → everytime I fell for yousouslalune on January 1st, 2010 08:22 am (UTC)
D: I do hope things get better for you this new year and you take all the time you need to get better :) *sends tons of hugs*
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
thanks <33
The Alien from Uranus: lol!Jack7th_rock_alien on January 1st, 2010 08:43 am (UTC)
Oh... oh, you poor baby! ;_;

*pets forever*
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
<3
redseeker: seto & mokuba ▊ withlaceredseeker on January 1st, 2010 09:07 am (UTC)
What. She what.

Christ, Jackie. I can't believe it. I know it doesn't help, but I'm so angry... *holds* Of course you know I want to stay in touch, obviously.

I know you'll be okay in the end, take all the time you need.
♥♥♥♥♥
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
yeah, that's how i feel too. i'll be back soon. <3
redseeker: [ygo] seto & mokuba ▊ withlaceredseeker on January 1st, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
I'll miss you. ♥ you, babes.
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC)
<333

in the meantime I've changed my screenname - it's now allloveisrevenge. i dunno how much i'll be on it for the next week but once i get back up to school i'll probably run it up more often. <3
redseekerredseeker on January 2nd, 2010 12:31 am (UTC)
Cool, thank you.
デンジ。: pic#95917593volkner on January 1st, 2010 03:10 pm (UTC)
that's terrible :( *HUGS*

i hope you take a good break so you can have time for yourself ;A;

Edited at 2010-01-01 03:10 pm (UTC)
THE MOTHERFUCKING GARTENDER.leloucia on January 1st, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
thank you <3
(Anonymous) on January 27th, 2011 09:36 am (UTC)
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